The other day Niklas and I were having lunch together, alone in the Bonnier break room. I was happily tearing into a salad when he leaned toward me conspiratorially and said, "I eat like this too sometimes, Megan," as if we shared a naughty secret. Horrified, I stopped chewing and looked around. Was I chomping with my mouth full? No. Elbows on the table? No.... But I was holding my fork in my right hand and using it to stab/scoop up bites, while my knife rested on the table. Niklas, on the other hand, was holding his utensils European-style, with the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right, pushing food onto the back of his fork and bringing the bites to his mouth with the tines pointed down.Well, of course I've seen people eating like this before, but it was never taught to me. I'm not sure if I'm a bumpkin or what, but I don't think most Americans eat this way, ever. I've been to lots of fancy restaurants and my dining companions ate like I did.... didn't they? Now I'm starting to second-guess myself, though. Have I been missing social cues for the past 30 years?
The day after the Niklas incident, I was at a work lunch with two young Swedish ladies, and I noticed that they were eating the "proper" way, but I decided that it wasn't the time to try to totally redo my eating style and possibly look really clumsy in polite company. "Whatever," I thought. "I'll just eat the way I'm comfortable." Well, they definitely noticed. More than once I caught the girl across from me starting as I shoveled bites of food (salad again) into my mouth with my right hand.
And then today, I attended the luncheon for Storajournalistpriset (the grand journalism prize) at Manilla, the Bonnier family's showcase home on Djurgården. I sat at a table with couple of my colleagues who I consider friends (Niklas and a woman named Elisabeth), and attempted to use my utensils in the European way. I found that my bites had to be very, very tiny and it was taking me forever to finish my food. In fact, the entire room cleared out and I was the last one still eating—no joke. Elisabeth has a daughter my age and is a bit maternal toward me, so I explained to her that I was learning a new way to eat. She asked me to show her how I usually do it, so I demonstrated. Her jaw literally fell open: "No, no, this is impossible," she said. Okay, I get it, you have nice manners, I told her, but surely you eat the way I do at home? When you're by yourself? Nope.
I told Niklas and Elisabeth that if I showed up at home this December and started eating Christmas dinner in the European way, my family would probably make fun of me and say I'm putting on airs. Actually, though, I have to admit that it's more convenient to hold your utensils one in each hand, instead of constantly switching the fork to my right hand. I just have to get the hang of it. Is it putting on airs if it actually becomes a habit? And if it's the "right" way to eat in any case? I'm so confused!
So, dear readers, please help alleviate my confusion by voting in the poll below. It'll be really interesting to see the results, and it'll clear up the question of whether my U.S. friends have been doing it the right way all along while I hopelessly failed to learn proper table manners.
8 comments:
Gosh, how rude. And I'm not talking about you, silly! I lived in Japan for almost 2 years, and believe me there was tons to learn in terms of manners and cultural differences. But I can say for certain that nobody would have ever dared to comment on my "deviant" Western ways. It would have been considered totally rude and inhospitable. I had even read up on Japanese manners before moving and was relieved to discover that the Japanese sort of "write off" Westerners and give them tons of leeway because they realize we'll never do everything right, even with the best of intentions. That was a load off, and let me just try my best without fear of reprimand.
Regarding the fork thing.... I was taught that piling it in with the fork in the left hand is called Continental Style. And, sorry folks, but it's OPTIONAL (for Americans). The way you (and everybody I know) eats, Megan, is actually called American Style (a.k.a. Zigzag Method!). I just looked it up, and Wikipedia has an interesting entry about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zigzag_method
So from now on when you find someone staring at you in a restaurant, just wink and mouth the words "zigzag, baby" at them from across the room.
Blogger Artificial Swedener said...
Oops, I just accidentally erased my own comment. Here it is again:
Very interesting! I don't think my colleagues would have mentioned it at all except that they didn't realize there was a different way in the U.S., and they were discretely trying to help. Since writing this, I've talked to a couple of Swedes who say that how one eats is a real class marker here: rural, working-class people aren't necessarily brought up to use the Continental method, and it can be embarrassing for them not to know how to eat "correctly" at a wedding or something like that. But I'm going to try to use the style that people find polite here, and the upside is that it forces me to eat slowly. I've always been a fast eater, so maybe I'll lose an excess pound or two in the bargain :)
That makes sense. I forgot that you actually look like you could be Swedish, so strangers in restaurants assume you should know how to eat. In Japan, it was obvious that I was a Westerner, so I guess I got the benefit of the doubt immediately.
Well I think you did right by just going ahead and eating your lunch the way you are used to doing it. Judging (or even noticing) other peoples manners is the height of rudeness after all.
After 17 years in Europe, I am a total convert to the knife and fork technique. If someone forgets to put the knives on the dinner table in my family, I have to go get them. I need my knife!
There's a very simple solution to this: you simply eat with your hands, and if anyone looks at you funny or comments on it, simply jump out of you chair, pump your fist in their face, and shout "USA! USA!" until they are shamed into shutting the hell up.
-Josh
Okay. Here's another question.... Someone told you they didn't realize Americans ate this way? But haven't they ever seen an American movie? I mean, any Godfather movie would clearly show some Americans eating at home and in restaurants. How about When Harry Met Sally? Heck, even I Am Legend ("I was saving that bacon!"). Something's not adding up here.
Robin, I have to applaud your dedication to this issue, defending the zig-zag style with the indignant zeal of a modern-day Emily Post ;)
I have no idea how they missed Meg Ryan's fork-wielding technique during "When Harry Met Sally." Maybe they were busy watching her writhe in fake orgasmic ecstasy?
Anyway, I appreciate your feedback, and I will righteously uphold my country's table etiquette in your honor.
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